Cooperation in Sanctification

Studying my Sunday School lesson every week before teaching the high school girls is so refreshing and challenging to my own heart. Thank you, Father, for the opportunity to dig into Your Word and dialogue about it with others that are seeking to know You better. Keep reminding me that it is a gift to be a lifelong learner and student of Your Word and that I will never "arrive" this side of seeing You face to face. You continually remind me of more of Your beauty and goodness. Thank you for the richness of Your Word.
The truth that gripped my heart and attention this week was the idea of cooperating with the Holy Spirit in my pursuit of holiness. All of sanctification is a work completed, continued, and perfected by You, Jesus. I know that salvation is a gift and not based on works, but how much of the time I am living out my salvation based on works. The swirl of thoughts and emotions go something like this: Why did I mess up again? I need to feel guilty for a long time to pay for that one. I've got this "life" thing down and can do it on my own...only to fail miserably after 2.5 seconds. All of these thoughts and feelings have me at the center, and in actuality YOU are at the center...always have been, are right now, and will be forever. There is such freedom in this word - cooperation. The Holy Spirit is fighting for my holiness at this moment and interceding on my behalf to the Creator of the Universe. Why wouldn't I cooperate with Him? Umm, because I'm stubborn and self-centered!! Forgive me, Father, for ever and all the time thinking that my life and this world is about me. Your glory and renown are what lasts for eternity. Thank You for not giving up on me and for fighting for my greater good. Help me, right in the middle of my weakness, to cooperate with You and pursue You with everything that I am. I want to pursue holiness. I want to run hard after You, Jesus.

"And we, who with unveiled faces 

all reflect the Lord's glory, 

are being transformed, 

into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, 

which comes from the Lord, 

who is the Spirit."

2 Corinthians 3:18

Seeking Above

"If then you have been raised with Christ, 

seek the things that are above, 

where Christ is, 

seated at the right hand of God. 

Set your minds on things that are above, 

not on things that are on earth."

Colossians 3:1-2

During this crazy, busy, commercial craze time of year I want to do only one thing...seek Christ!! My heart does not do this naturally and I can't do this on my own. For that reason, I come before Jesus and ask Him to fill my mind and heart with thoughts of Him and to give me one passion and one pursuit - HIM! If I am to set my mind on things above and Christ is above seated at the right hand of God, THEN I am called to set my mind of CHRIST!!

Tonight, I want to glory in Your goodness and all the ways that You have helped me see Your face throughout the past two weeks. Now, I didn't always stop and consider You in the moment but tonight I want You to point my heart and perspective to Your face and Your work alone.

The past two weeks have been full of music! In some normal ways for the Gurney household but also in some EXTRAordinary ways. I led 27 of my piano students in a Christmas recital at an assisted living home here in Winchester. What a blessing and hopefully a joy to all those present. The room was full of parents and residents from the home as I gave all glory to You for the gifts and talents of each student that performed. I gave you all the praise for Christmas and I asked You to help the children to play as unto You and not men. Thank You, Father, for the precious gift of teaching and connecting You to musical ability. I know I don't always thank You and praise You for the many hours I put in 4 days a week doing lessons, but it is a blessing and I know You have provided and given me the opportunity to do what You have gifted me in. All four Gurney children have sung on a stage either at church or at preschool over the past 2 weeks. What a picture of Your faithfulness as they learn songs and sing with smiles on their faces. No, the truth is not deep in their hearts yet, but they make a joyful noise unto You and I'm trusting that those words will be used to change their hearts as You woo them to Yourself. I think the best part of them singing in children's choirs is hearing them practice in the van at the top of their lungs!!! Matt and I glance at one another in the front and just grin (sometimes cringe at the volume) at the precious sound of them screaming "Prince of Peace, King of my heart" or "Bright star, bright star what do you see?" O Father, help them know You and love You all of their days!!! Help these sweet voices speak of Your name and fame to all those You put in their path. Take them places to spread Your truth and share Your gospel. Ok, and the next aspect of music that has invaded our home and world has been "The Sound of Music!!!" So crazy, but without knowing that the live version was coming on TV we ended up watching this movie as a family and my kiddos loved it!!! For whatever reason this just warmed my heart to goose bumps!! I'm sure it connected with the love I have for broadway tunes and reminded me of the countless hours that my sister and I spent "performing" when we were younger. But, whatever the reason, I have to attribute the laughter and gladness when singing these songs with my kids to a work of Your hand and Your goodness. ALL good and perfect gifts are from above. I just love hearing the "Doe a deer..." and "these are a few of my favorite things..." Ultimately, You have used music from artist that basically put Your truth to song to stir my affections for You! I know that You have created everyone in a unique way and music doesn't connect with everyone, but I thank You, Jesus, for the songs that You have used in my walk to help me ponder You and Your glory more fully. 

Father, thank You for the times of advent that we have been doing as a family over the past couple of weeks. It's interesting and humbling that I'm blogging about this now because we've fallen "behind" with our schedule. But I praise You for the days that we have done and the truth that You've used to spur on conversation with Matt and I and with our kids. Every ornament we hang on the tree with one of the many names of You is a chance for us to glory in Your beauty. I hope and pray that our children will hear the bigness and wonder that You are!! You are Mighty God, Prince of Peace, the Living Word, Lion of Judah, Morning Star, Everlasting Father, King of Kings!!! Wow!!! You are awesome and glorious!!! Thank You for the afternoons and evenings that we've been able to circle up and hear from The Jesus Storybook Bible to help connect the OT stories with Your rescue plan. Let the kids hear with heart ears and see with heart eyes their need for a Rescuer and the hope and joy that is found in You! Thank You, for the quiet moments before bed that Matt and I have been reading through advent devotionals. Father, thank You for reminding me that it is in the middle of every detail that You are present and in control. The census being carried out and Mary and Joseph having to go to Bethlehem did not catch You off guard. Herod searching to kill this baby King was under Your control and in Your plan! And I thank You, for showing me how you use others to point to Your greatness. John the Baptist paving the way for the Messiah and spending his life for the witness of Another is not usually a key point drawn out during Christmas time, but what a life plan! Jesus, give me undying focus and passion for my life to point to You and be a picture of the gospel.

I pray that these words would portray the truth and they would not attribute any greatness on my part. Jesus is great and He does great and awesome things!!! I am a weak vessel that screws up life so much of the time, but I seek and pray for God to reveal more and more of Himself to me. And that somehow, just somehow, His name would be known because of HIS WORK in me! I fight, not by my own strength, to pursue Jesus with everything I am and when I am weak (all the time), then He shows Himself strong. Thank You, Father, for helping me slow down and set my mind and heart on things above!!! You are a good and marvelous God!!!!

"What Love is This?"

What Love is This

by

Kari Jobe

"What love is this that You gave Your life for me

And made a way for me to know You

And I confess, You're always enough for me

You're all I need!!"

Thank You, Father, for songs like this that remind me of the bigness of Your sacrifice. Your love doesn't make sense; Your love is radical; Your love is magnificent! You drew my heart to a moment of overwhelming joy and thankfulness when listening to this song last week. I praise You, Jesus, for being faithful to bring my heart to a humble low and raising my eyes to see You high and lifted up! You stirred deep emotion in me to confess all the things that I pretend I need and that will satisfy my soul when You are enough and all I need. When I truly encounter this love, YOUR LOVE, I am brought to my knees in awe and then stand to my feet rejoicing that I can submit my life to You and be used by the Creator of the Universe. There is such freedom in remembering Your amazing love and grace for me! It's not about me or what I  can achieve!! But about YOU, Your glory, and Your renown!

O God, You have made a way for me to know You! What a gift!! A gift I take for granted or neglect to enjoy in its fullness. A way to know You!! Thank You, Jesus, for Your perfect life lived on my behalf; Your awe-ful death died in my place; and Your victorious resurrection that brings me life!!! You have made a way for me to know You!! And it's through Your blood on the cross! Thank You, Lord, for Your rescue plan. All to make much of Your name and glory! Loving a people so they can live for You, love You, and reflect Your image!

"knowing that you were ransomed...not with perishable things...but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot."   1 Peter 1:18-19

Giving Thanks!

Father, this week is the "set" time for everyone to say what they're thankful for as we head into the Thanksgiving holidays. I want it to be so much more than that. Help my heart explode with thankfulness as I remember what was accomplished on my behalf on the cross. I want this to be the flavor of my life the other 51 weeks of the year too!!! How can thankfulness be a part of who I am ALL the time? Yes, when we have to start making another car payment-thankfulness; when the kids argue for the thousandth time in one hour-thankfulness; when i have to stay up an extra 30 minutes for one more load of laundry or school lunch to prepare-thankfulness; when it's freezing outside and I'm unloading groceries-thankfulness; when there's only sandwiches for dinner-thankfulness; when I feel left out of a conversation-thankfulness; when the alarm goes off again for a new day-thankfulness; when there's more whining about my motherly answer-thankfulness; when a conflict has to be resolved-thankfulness; when I've been misunderstood-thankfulness. Oh that my heart would sing of thanksgiving for Your blood shed for me, in my place, on my behalf!! JESUS, You are my thanksgiving! You are constant; You are forever; You are glorious; You are everything; and You are my thanksgiving!!! It all comes back to You, Your Work, and Your Glory!

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: REJOICE! 

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, 

by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, 

present your requests to God. 

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, 

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:4-7

God, You are the source of all joy!! Regardless if I attribute every little detail of my day to Your doing You are in control and holding all things together. If I base thankfulness and joy on my circumstances and how well I'm measuring up to my own standards then they are definitely lacking. If I remember You and Your perfect goodness in all things then my joy goes beyond anything I could muster up on my own! You are near and Your nearness reminds me that I am nothing and You are everything and this fuels gentleness toward other people. I remember what I've been saved from and for and what's been extended to me; and with Your help I want to extend grace, mercy, and forgiveness to those around me. Those that don't know You, those that don't think like me, those that are difficult to love, and those that are easy to overlook. God, I want to be quick to approach Your gracious throne with the things that make me feel anxious. And in that moment to say thank-you for the reminder that I can't control things and I don't know best! I am not the center of the universe! Fearful and anxious thoughts are signs of me pretending that I am. Who am I to change things or even know what to do to change things? What good does it do if I contemplate over the details of my life? Forgive me, Father, for trying to "take it." Confessing my complete dependence on You and my need for Your mercy helps me be thankful. My eyes and focus are fixed on You and that stirs thankfulness!! And with all these things, Jesus, comes Your peace! Everlasting, Ever flowing peace!! 

Father, I want to know You and the power of Your resurrection. I want to encounter You on a deeper level every time I meet with You. I want to reflect Your beauty with every ounce of my being. I want Your Word to be ever on my lips. I want my heart to constantly be singing of Your praises. All of these are fulfilled because of the cross and because of the blood of Jesus. Tonight I am giving thanks for Jesus....more and more of Jesus!!!

Your Answer to Discontentment

You have once again been faithful, Jesus, to reveal to me the wickedness that I still fight in my own heart. It has been paid for by Your perfect sacrifice on the cross, but through this journey of sanctification I still fight the moments of being filled with self instead of You. What an uncomfortable encounter to realize my weakness and how much more in need I am of You, but how sweet to become aware of how incredibly You meet my needs and produce fruit in me for the sake of Your name and fame!! Thank You, Jesus, for Your ever perfect presence and help in this journey!
Discontentment - that is the sin that is crouching at the door of my heart. Father, You know better than I do how often I am looking to circumstances or those around me to provide contentment to my heart and mind. And the truth is...nothing on this earth will ever satisfy!! Forgive me, Lord, for the fussy heart that I went to bed with last night and got up with this morning. But, thank You, Lord, for the mercy that is found at the foot of the cross in Your presence to draw me closer to You than I was before! I do not like admitting my shortcomings but it is oh so sweet to remember Your strength and perfection in the place of my imperfect, fickle heart.
You slowly and gently wooed my heart back to You and away from myself and reminded me of all I have in Christ. You brought to my heart the verse in Hebrews 13 that speaks about contentment. The answer to being content is remembering the promise of Your forever presence. "You will never leave me; You will never forsake me!" What more or who else do I need??? You are enough!! Remembering the reality of Who You are changes the heart posture of thinking I am lacking anything. Help me recall and ponder all of Your promises that are YES in Jesus, and shower my heart and mind with the overflowing goodness of Your presence. May I only think of You and enjoy You forever!!!

Interceding...

O Father, I come before You tonight crying out for Your help and comfort to the people in the Philippines. Specifically in Tacloban. There is such destruction and devastation filling that place. May they know Your hope, peace, and comfort like never before. Will those that know You offer deep hope and joy in the gospel? There are real needs that need to be met and I pray that Your love and goodness would be shown by those that know You. And may they be bold in sharing Your truth and radical in the way the love and care for those around them. Provide for these people, Jesus!! They are hurting and You are the God of all comfort! They are lonely and You never leave them or forsake them! Their lives are in turmoil and You are a God of peace and comfort!
Father, I praise You for my brother's life and the miracle You have worked there! May You alone get all glory and honor and praise for his story! May he continually seek You and only find his joy and hope in You and Your work on the cross! Deepen his dependence on You in the everyday.
Lord, fill mom with Your peace as she anticipates Thursday. Let her know Your nearness and comfort. Thank You for it only being her wrist that she broke when she fell!! Help her see Your goodness in the little things and that that would cause her heart to sing!!
Jesus, thank You for my sister and our sweet time together this weekend. Father, thank You for her life and heart for You. I praise You for her faith and obedience. Continue growing her and making her more like You and using her to love on Huntington and spread Your name and fame!
Lord, I pray that You would continue to give Matt the endurance and perseverance in his classes online. You have been so faithful to keep him motivated and focused. May he finish well, not for the sake of himself, but because he wants to work as unto You!
The deepest desire of my heart toward my kids is for them to know and love You with everything that they are. Draw their hearts to You, Father. May I rest in the work and perfect timing of Your gracious hand. May their lives be used for Your honor and glory alone. I pray that the eyes of their hearts would be open to the gospel and You would fill them with Your presence!
Father, grow and deepen the passion and pursuit of You in the ladies of our community group. By Your grace and with Your help may this be the one desire of all of our hearts! Remind us daily of Your presence and the freedom and joy to can be found at Your feet!
Lord, I pray for Matt's mom that she would be confident in Your care for her physical and spiritual needs. Help her to know Your nearness and that Your nearness is her good!! Deepen her desire for You and Your Word! Refresh her with Your presence and supply her with every good and perfect gift that only comes from You!!
Lord, with a broken heart I lift up my sweet seminary friends that have lost a baby during mid-pregnancy. Thank You for their faith and trust in You and Your perfect plan and peace. What a testimony of Your grace and work in someone's life! Comfort them in the quiet moments and surround them with people that remind them of Your goodness and mercy! I know their greatest desire is for Your glory to be spread to the nations so use them and their story for You and Your name and fame!
I pray all these things in Your mighty and majestic name and with a heart that is fighting to know You more! AMEN!

Resting in YOUR Finished Work!

Lord, I am so exhausted from the journey my heart has been on the past few days. Tonight's words will be Yours and some simple reflection from my heart. You are amazing and forever faithful!! Thank You for not giving up on me and seeing things through til the end!!! May my hope, joy, and comfort come from You alone and the finished work on the cross!!

Hebrews 7:25-27

"Therefore He is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them.Such a high priest meets our need - One Who is holy, blameless, pure, set apart from sinners, exalted above the heavens. Unlike the other high priests, He does not need to offer sacrifices day after day, first for His own sins, and then for the sins of the people. He sacrificed for their sins ONCE FOR ALL when He offered Himself."

Your sacrifice is perfect and final, Jesus!! There is nothing I can or should attempt to add, as if I have something to offer to a Holy, Blameless God! Forgive me for carrying guilt and shame when I don't think I'm good enough because ultimately that is questioning Your work of redemption on the cross. You are exalted above the heavens and in Your presence there is rest! There is no portion of this redeemed heart that You have not saved! Wow!!!

Hebrews 10:9-10

"'Here I am, I have come to do Your will.' He set aside the first (covenant) to establish the second. And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ ONCE FOR ALL."

YOU have made me holy, Lord!!! Let me not be found pretending that I bring anything to the table. I feast on Your goodness and faithfulness alone! I am found holy because of Your holiness! The reminder that I don't "measure up" is a gift because pretending that I do takes my gaze off of Your perfect work and puts it on my finite accomplishments. I measure up because I'm clothed in Your righteousness.

Hebrews 10:14

"Because by ONE SACRIFICE He has made perfect FOREVER those who are being made holy."

The tension of sanctification and glorification creates some struggle in my mind and heart, Lord. Help me to completely trust You and Your one sacrifice on the cross. I carry around such guilt and shame over my mistakes and short-comings and this is a result of unbelief in Your perfect once and for all sacrifice! I believe, Father, help my unbelief!! Your forever is forever!!! Praise You, Jesus.

Hebrews 10:19-23

"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, HIS BODY, and since we have a great Priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."

Jesus, Your body and blood is where my confidence, assurance, and cleansing are provided and perfected!!! I have nothing apart from Your grace and mercy! Because of You, I have breath! Because of You, I have life everlasting! Because of You, I have peace that surpasses all understanding! Because of You, there is hope beyond feelings and emotions! Because of You, I have You!!!!!!! Help me, Father, hold fast to You and not circumstances! Help me, Father, hold fast to You and not my fears! Help me, Father, hold fast to You and not the praise of others! You are good and Your love endures forever!!!

Hebrews 6:19

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm, and secure."

Thank You for supplying me and giving me a hope that I can hold fast to!! There is REST when we live at the foot of the cross and trust in Your complete accomplished work!!! IT IS FINISHED!!!!!

Kneeling before my Maker

Thank You, Father for the confidence that we come before Your throne through the blood of Jesus. There is forgiveness, grace, and mercy to help in our time of need. To sit at Your feet, adore You, and in faith ask for more of You is unimaginable yet at my disposal! You, the Creator of the Universe caring about my heart!! How marvelous, how wonderful is my Savior's love for me!!!
I love praying for and with people. I'm not one of those "spend hours in prayer by myself" kind of people (really want to be), but I do absolutely love to pray with others and I thank You, Jesus, for the opportunities You gave me this past week to do just this.
Last Wednesday night was our monthly service night with the youth; so I took the group of students back to the Clark County Preschool for a literacy night. This is a challenging night for our students to really reach out to little kids and be energetic with them. Some of the youth weren't particularly excited about going and I knew we needed Your help to love on whomever was there and not think about ourselves. So, before we went in to meet the families I circled up the group and came before Your throne on everyone's behalf asking for Your eyes and Your love to be all over us. Thank You for helping me come to You instead of overly correct the wrong attitudes. I pray that the youth as much as the families at the preschool will see You more than they see me through everything I do. Thank You, Lord, for blessing the time there more than I expected. From 2 moms last month to 8 moms and grandparents this month!! Yay for the opportunity to dialogue about real life things about raising kids and caring for them well. Father, You were all over that time and I couldn't have done anything apart from Your help and direction! I pray that those relationships will grow deeper every month and that gospel conversations will happen in Your perfect time.
On Thursday, Matt was having a pretty significant meeting. We had been talking and reflecting about some things and You provided the time for him to discuss them with someone else. He and I talk so openly about questions, struggles, and desires and I know that this honesty is a gift from You and only something that You develop in Your children. Before the meeting Matt and I were able to pray about everything together. This time was short but so amazing to not just say we're praying about stuff but to really do that!!! Your presence provides such joy and comfort! Thank You, Lord, for orchestrating that time for us.
Also, on Thursday, I had a small recital for my piano students. Some students have been taking the whole 4 1/2 years that I have been teaching and some students just started this past August. I love the opportunity to talk and encourage them as a group in the gifts and talents that You have given them. Whenever I have them performing in any kind of recital I always pray for them, their nerves, and their memory of what they've practiced. I always connect the fact that You have blessed them in their music ability and we want to thank You and ask You for help. This may seem insignificant and trivial to some, but, Jesus, I trust that You can use even a time like that to remind children that every good and perfect gift comes from You! I know it reminds me of that!!
Father, I love opportunities to pray for a friend in their trust in and walk with You. There's no greater gift than approaching Your throne on behalf of someone else for them to love You and pursue You more. Thank You for the time (even over the phone) to pray for a dear friend that was struggling. It was used in my own heart as well to focus my thoughts on You and not circumstances. Thank You for friendship and how we can intercede for one another.
Over dinner Friday night, Matt and I encouraged the kids to think of something that they are thankful for about You, Jesus (not that You give them, but Who You are). Their sweet voices lifting up sentence prayers to You was warming to my soul. Thank You for the stillness of those few minutes!!!
Teaching the High School girls Sunday School class has become such an encouragement to me and a huge highlight to my week! The girls are so precious and I love the relationships I get to have with them! Thank You, Lord, for the opportunity. After encouragement from Matt, I decided to spend some extra time during our class yesterday just adoring You and coming before Your throne for more than just a few rushed minutes at the end of our lesson. I directed the girls to pray thanking You for who You are and remembering Your awesomeness!! To hear their hearts and pleas to want to be more like You was priceless and very refreshing. Please help me to treasure that time and commit to it every week.
Father, the time last night for accountability in our community group with the ladies was honest, humbling, and encouraging. Only You can do all of those things in 45 minutes! Thank You for helping me see Your gospel applied to all aspects of life! Hearing prayers of close heart friends and praying for them and their walks with You is something to praise You for! Thank You that I get to lift them up on a regular basis! Thank You for the cross and for being the foundation of all friendships.
Lastly, Jesus, thank You for stirring my heart to pray every morning for Your help for my day. You help me remember that You have things in store for my day and all those things are for my good. You remind me of the new mercies that are mine for the day. You remind me that I am nothing apart from You, and that it is in my weakness that Your strength is shown perfect!! Thank Your for caring for a sinner such as I!

Philippians 4:6 

"Do not be anxious about anything, 

but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, 

present our requests to God."

Your Work Alone

Jesus, I come to You tonight simply wanting to be with You!! You are an awesome God that only does good and desires to bring glory to Your name alone. Your love never fails and Your grace is overflowing in abundance. You are enough for me!!!
Lord, You have given me such sweet honesty with others over the last couple of weeks. This is a theme of refreshment that keeps coming up in my pondering of Your goodness. You encouraged my heart and challenged me through my sweet "coffee time" with my mom when she was here. The honesty and humility is only a gift from You. Thank You for our relationship and the assurance I have that she lifts me up daily. What a blessing and evidence of Your faithfulness to have a mom that seeks, trusts, and pursues You. Thank You for her growth and continued dependence on You. Honest questions and hard truths over lunch with Rachel was truly a breath! Even being a bit distracted by Taylor and Nora, thank You for the conversation and prayer.  You are working and helping me realize I don't have to have everything figured out. I'm not guaranteed tomorrow, so all I seek to do is honor You in the moment that You have graciously granted. Rachel is a gift and her life is a joy to watch, be around, and be a part of. Realizing how you've grown and developed our friendship over the last 6 1/2 years is amazing!! From our very first conversations til now, Your Word and truth have been the foundation of our heart connection! Finally getting a time worked out with December was an answer to prayer. Thank You for a friend that shares so many joys and struggles. Our strengths and weaknesses are quite similar. The times of encouraging each other through them and pointing each other to the cross are precious to me! May we "spur one another own toward love and good deeds" (Heb. 10) as we meet together and pray together. Last night's community group was so real and honest that I had a hard time settling down when we got home (in a good way). Discussing how we can seek to help the unity in our group and in our church was so rich. The work that You have done in all of us to bring us to one mind is only by Your grace and only for Your glory. Continue growing our encouragement for each other and our accountability. And there's the priceless, amazing conversations with my best friend, my love, my mate!! I am overwhelmed with the man You've given me and the marriage You have grown and continue to grow between us. There are questions that we come before You with together. There are disagreements that we reconcile at the foot of the cross. There are sweet moments of care and affection that are only because of Your beauty and goodness. There are supportive and sacrificial moments that definitely don't come natural, but Your hand is molding us to be more like Jesus. The list goes on and on of how Your hand is on Matt and I. You are making us more and more dependent on You. You are the only reason that there are selfless times. You orchestrate our time together and our time apart. May our marriage reflect Your image and likeness. May You use it to show the world Your love for Your bride!!
Lord, the blog I read today on Desiring God about treasuring my children was exactly what I needed. Help me, Father, to treasure them and drink in the small moments BUT not dwell on them and make them my focus. I have no idea how to balance it all, but I want to point them to You! Thank You for helping bedtime seem less stressful. For giving me patience and an eye to overlook when reading to the girls. I get so frustrated when they don't listen to the Jesus Storybook Bible. I think it's because I am focused on the task at hand and sometimes missing the precious girls that I'm reading to and tucking in. Keep helping me to love on them and show them grace! And, I thank You, Jesus, for the season of life that the boys are in and simply reading verse by verse through the bible is enjoying. Talking to them about Enoch walking with God (Gen. 5) tonight was a moment to treasure. May Your Word be truth filled with joy for them to live by and not just facts that they store in their heads.
God, I thank You that soccer is over. It was fun, but the extra time at home will be nice. Help us use it to enjoy You as we enjoy each other. Thank You for keeping the boys safe and only one broken bone during the season (which had nothing to do with soccer)! Thank You for the friendships that grew and the ones that started by all the time spent at practices and games. Help Matt and I to always seek You before having our kids involved in anything. We want everything we do to help all of us be more in love with You and more about Your name and fame. We can never do this on our own! Help us, Jesus!!
God, thank You so much for choosing me, pursuing me, loving me, and calling me Your own. I am so aware of my wretchedness and conscious of the times I'm not loving You or trusting You. As frustrating as this is I'm seeing that it helps me be all the more be awed by the fact that by the blood of Jesus I am Your daughter! Only a good, perfect God could take a mess up like me and make her a princess. May I only boast in Your kindness and care. May I always stop to ponder the many ways that I am not and YOU ARE!!!
Father, You have me and are working out things in me that are all for good! This is the comfort that I must stand on! This is the place that I want to be! May I be found in the shadow of Your wings, in the refuge of Your presence!!

Delight and Desire

"Delight yourself in the LORD and HE will give you the desires of your heart." 

Psalm 37:4

Father, as I read this verse I am reminded of all the things I delight in besides You. You are forever good and always faithful and yet I waver in my pursuit of You and Your face. 

I confess that there are many things I delight in that have no promise of ever satisfying my deepest need. I delight in my accomplishments. I want to be "super-mom" and always be organized and never late. I want to handle all that comes my way without any falter. I want others to comment on how well I do with so much on my plate. Jesus, this is prideful and arrogant. Forgive me, for not giving You all credit for handling my day and circumstances. You are the One holding things together and making things happen. It is none of my own doing. This shows that I have the desire of control and strength and You do not promise to give me these things. May I desire You alone!!

I delight in having a gospel-centered marriage and family. These are good gifts from You, but put in the wrong position they become my pursuit. And, therefore, when things seem "out of whack" I freak out and think that my life is crumbling and spinning out of control. Father, relationships on this earth are messy and have great need of Your perfect hand holding them together. You are my promised Husband and You are to be my chief love! You have blessed me with a man that honors and loves You with his whole heart and this is his desire for me. God, you have given me a family for the sole purpose of giving them back to You. Our unity and happiness together is not the highest goal. May I point my children to Your face and be an example of one that loves and desires You with everything I am. In the middle of all that You have blessed me with, may I never think that You promised struggle free relationships. There is such joy in the times of reconciliation and grace in all You are doing. May I desire You alone!!

I delight in the attention that my children get from others. All this does, Jesus, is stir my heart with envy and resentment toward those that You are blessing and bestowing goodness upon. You never promise for Noah, Tucker, Taylor, and Nora to be given lots of things or have tons of friends. I want this so bad for my kids!! For them to have a great childhood and to be thought well of by others, BUT this is not to be my delight. I'm sorry, Lord, for pursuing this attitude so much that my focus of You gets blurry. May it be truth from my heart when I pray every night for my children to only desire You and only have a love for You! Keep You as my only delight!!

Unfortunately, the desires of my heart can get on the wrong path too, Father. I desire to be well known and noticed. I desire to be fit and thin. I desire to have things come at ease. I desire to have well-behaved children. I desire to receive immediate "blessings." I desire to be understood by those around me. I desire to be trusted. I desire to have my way. I desire to accomplish my task-list in my strength. I desire to be seen as wise and helpful to others. I desire to never make a mistake. And the list goes on and on....

My one and only desire is to be YOU, Jesus!!! And as I delight in You, You will give me more of YOU!!! Oh, that my heart could live with this posture! And with Your help and Your grace, I will continue growing and changing. Thank You for Your love and never stopping pursuit of me. May I find such great delight as I seek Your face. Continue to stir greater and greater affections in me for Your presence. You are good and You are faithful!!

Praise Your name, Jesus!!!!

Pondering is a gift...

Lord, my life moves at such an incredibly fast pace with not much room to sit, to stop, sometimes to sleep, or to reflect. This is very overwhelming to me and sometimes down right frustrating! BUT I thank You, Father, for granting me the grace-filled time to ponder ever so often. These times are such a gift because they cause my heart to rejoice in Your goodness and work in my life! There are a few things on my heart tonight that I want to acknowledge as works from Your hand alone. Measurable growths in my life and in my walk with You! Thank You, Jesus, for not giving up on me and my weak faith! Thank You for Your constant faithfulness and desire to produce good in such a wretched soul apart from You.
I am so thankful, Father, for the increase in my desire to sit, read, and study truth! You are helping me rise early (way early) and spend amazing time with You in Your Word. By Your grace I am digging deep into Your Truth and seeing so much of You. Some mornings I just can't stop reading and other days I can't quit thinking about what I read that morning! Your Word is alive and active! Thank You for showing me more of You and the beauty of Your face!! The blogs and books that You have brought my way have been a huge part of my sanctification. I find that IF I have a few minutes of down time in my day I want to pull up another article or read another chapter to just set my heart on things above! You have shown me how much that setting is a fight and has to be a conscience effort to not focus on myself (usually a pity party) and focus only on You, the Author and Perfecter of my faith. Reading is not a natural love that I've always had, which is why I recognize it as Your work! I am going through solid books quickly and I talk about what I'm reading to whomever will listen. Therefore, You are filling my speech with more of You and less of me! Again, not a natural doing. Father, please continue to grow my desire to sit and spend time with You. Help me to fill my time with truth that stirs my affections for You, Jesus.
Another specific way that You are changing me, Lord, is to lessen my desire to go to food to solve my emotional needs! This may seem trivial but You have helped me recognize how I long for food in a way that only You are to satisfy my soul. I have been praying for You to make me aware of the times I'm craving temporary treats when I should be yearning for the everlasting filling of my soul with Living Water!! I want You to be my refuge and the restorer of my heart when I'm lonely, sad, frustrated, or sleepy. Thank You, Father, for helping me control my mouth and literally pray before I eat. This is an area that You are giving me such freedom in, but I know with that freedom comes great temptations. May I continue to look to You for everything You are for my spiritual, emotional, and physical needs!! May I boast in my weakness and completely depend on You for my life and breath.
So after complete frustration when our dryer ruined several articles of clothing last week, You granted me the gift of pondering. THINGS don't really matter! You are helping me hold loosely to what You've blessed me with and hold fast to the cross!! After my plans had to be changed multiple times because of a sick child, You reminded me of all I have in Jesus and that doesn't promise a task list completed or bump-free road. Father, You are helping me slow down and not get in an uproar when my schedule is interrupted. You are sovereign and You know best!! What a gift to recognize Your hand at work even in the yuck! It is all good from a good God with a good plan!
Thank You for helping me ponder, Lord!!!

2 Corinthians 10:17 "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

2 Corinthians 11:30 "If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness."

Colossians 3:1-2 "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."

His faithfulness in the "Normal"

Father, as I sit to type I just want to reflect on the past week and all the ways I can remember that You provided and lavished Your grace on this sinner in need of more of You every moment!! I could never remember all that You've done since "Your favor lasts a lifetime" (Psalm 30), but to be overwhelmed with the abundance that I can recall in this finite mind is again a work of Your grace! May I see "circumstances" as Your mighty hand at work and never think of my life as mundane or routine because with You there is joy and thankfulness overflowing.

Tuesday (sept 24th)-Jesus, You blessed my day with sweet time with a dear friend!! Doing life with her and enjoying You in her heart and life was amazing! Thank You for helping me soak in the moments with the girls and stopping to actually play and read to them. I was reminded of how You have blessed my sweet family with a KY family. The boys' "grandparents" took time to go to school and be there with Noah and Tucker during the grandparents reception. They all care for us and do so much for us!!! Not merely niceness, Father, but Your kindness springing forth!! Thanks for working out our schedule for me to get "time off" every week to go enjoy volleyball! Again, not mundane but part of Your sovereign plan. A breath away from "mommy" is always good.

Wednesday (sept 25th)-Happy 70th Dad!!! Jesus, thank you for the time to ponder and write a letter to my dad and express my heart to him and how You've blessed me through him. Thank you for the phone call and simple words to tell him i love him!! I pray for Dad to trust You more, love You more, and seek You more this year than he ever has! So, my first ever migraine attacked me around 10:45. Hard to understand Your timing, but realizing that You are present and the prince of the air doesn't want me to trust You I had to call this (with Matt's leadership and wisdom) spiritual warfare. There was no rhyme or reason for the nausea, light headed, loss of vision that turned into a massive headache that I literally couldn't see straight. BUT You supplied my strength and focus since it was You that worked out the details for me to head up a literacy night at the Clark County Preschool every month through our youth service teams. It was the first time and Satan didn't want me there. He didn't want to me to remember what I had prepared.  But he doesn't win!! You are in control and even through migraines I will trust You and see You moving and working in my midst. Yes, we wish there was more of a turn out but thank You, Jesus, for the 7 kids and 2 moms that were there! I hope the get-to-know-you conversations that I was able to have with those 2 moms will grow into opportunities of encouragement for them (and me)!! We chatted about taking time to stop and love on our kids in the midst of the busyness of life! I pray that they will see a realness in me as a mom that seeks to honor the Lord in all she does!!!

Thursday (sept 26th)-precious time with my prayer partner over coffee and two toddlers!! :) Father, it literally is a work of Your hand when we actually get a chance to sit down and chat during the busy seasons of life that we are both in the middle of. Thank You for the breath of fresh air of heart conversations!! You are changing both of us and growing our honesty of admitting weaknesses and enjoying the dependence we have on You! What a gift to "spur one another on toward love and good deeds." Thank You, Lord, for working out the time clear up something going on at church. I had the opportunity to ask pointed clear questions. Now give the needed patience!!! Praise Jesus, Noah's cast was taken off!!! Still a splint for 2 weeks, but his precious little bone is healed and just needs a bit more support. His perspective of the little things he can do on his own now is so sweet and encouraging to me. There is joy in the little things!!! Please help him to be more mindful of others in need after this experience.

Friday (sept 27th)-Sweet breakfast with one of my girls from small group!! such a gift and rare opportunity when you try to find empty space in our schedules. Thank You, Jesus, for the laughter and catching up!! I'm reminded of all the ways You worked during the 4 years of leading them. "You are good and Your love endures forever!" I pray that Katie will know Your nearness no matter what is going on and she will enjoy You and Your Word all of her days!!!! Taylor and Nora practicing for their flower girl deput was priceless! They cooperated so beautifully!!! Amazing to be a part of Regan's wedding and watch how You've grown her over the last 6 years of us being here! Thank You for Your sustaining perseverance!!!

Saturday (sept 28th)-just the fact that we "made it" through the schedule and details of today is a grace!!! Soccer games were fun, naps were squeezed in the middle, and then it was time for the wedding festivities! I loved my time at the church with the girls and we were getting ready. They were so excited and loved seeing all the fancy dresses (especially the bride). It reminded me of how sweet and innocent and small my girls are!!! I want to cherish this season so much! AND thank You, Lord, that they went all the way down the aisle and did there part perfect!!!!! So adorable! Father, thank You for supplying me with patience and the eyes and heart to enjoy and not stress.

Sunday (sept 29th)-O Lord, Your Word is refreshing to the very marrow of my bones. Thank You for being alive and active! Give us eyes to see You, hearts to trust You, and a unity that brings glory to Your Name!! Thank You, Father, for the "nothing" afternoon!! Such a rare gift but straight from Your hand!

Jesus, Your ways are higher and Your faithfulness is never ending! Thank You for being so near and a part of every single detail of my life!! May I not miss Your work or cease to enjoy Your goodness!!!!

Fullness of JOY!!

This past week I found myself lacking in a deep-rooted, always trusting, forever growing JOY!! I found myself asking the LORD for a life with a flavor of joy. One that doesn't waver depending on circumstances or acknowledgments from others. One that is contagious to those around me. One that causes my children to love Jesus with everything they are. One that sustains me during the overwhelming times and discouraging times. One that leaves me hungering and thirsting for more of my Savior. Well...I still felt....uh.....lacking! Ever been there? You just want something but don't know how to obtain it? You try so hard but still see the limitations and weaknesses?
Father, this is where I was at the end of last week. Feeling overwhelmed and unable to handle things the way I knew I should. Feeling fussy and out of control. Sure it was a crazy week with 2 out of 4 kids (so far) catching the yearly fall stomach bug, a field trip, Matt's seminary class assignments, celebrating an amazing 4 year old's birthday, extra things at church, and just the normal stuff for us; BUT I wanted to be joyful!!! And, well, I wasn't! I wanted my life to explode with a joy that holds steady through it all!!! And I didn't have it!
Seeking the rules to obey; I found freedom in grace. Longing for the formula to follow; I found Your accomplishments through the cross. Only focusing on my deficiencies; I found Your strength being made perfect. Feeling out of control; You reminded me that You are in control. Thank You, Jesus, for the reminder that You are God and You are good!!!

Here are the gentle, yet powerful words that came my way this morning:
Psalm 16:11 "You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
I want joy? Seek Jesus!!! I will find joy, FULL joy, when I'm pursuing Christ and enjoying His beauty and majesty. God, I get so distracted and think that it's how I'm living and how well I'm measuring up that grants me joy. That's all wrong!! You are my joy!!! In your presence are joy and pleasures forevermore!! As John Piper said, "There's nothing fuller than full and nothing longer than forever!!" Help my heart believe that, Father! Let every part of me know that all I need is YOU!

These verses, also, came to my heart during this week:
2 Corinthians 4:8-10 "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies."
It hit me this week that I'm not crushed, in despair, forsaken, or destroyed because of Jesus!!! Not because circumstances only go so far and then cease to be difficult. Jesus was crushed in my place! His death provides protection for my life. Jesus is my hope through the cross, so there is no despair! Jesus will never leave me or forsake me!! I will not experience destruction or death because my life is now hidden with Jesus. "To live is Christ, and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21 Sharing in the sufferings and death of Jesus is where my joy, hope, comfort, peace, and contentment are found.

May my heart forever be seeking Your face, O LORD, and my eyes be setting their gaze on Your beauty. Forgive me for pretending that I could have a life of joy on my own, or that other things could produce joy in the deepest parts of my soul. May I always remember that a deep rooted, never wavering joy is found only in You. Thank You for the cross!!!!!!

His Refreshment!!

HIS Word is so refreshing!!!! Thank You, Jesus, for speaking to my heart by Your very breath and majesty. Your Word is satisfying to the deepest part of my soul. There is no greater joy than hearing from You and drinking in Your goodness!
Just some prayers straight from scripture to focus my heart solely on my Savior:

Judges 8:23 

"...The Lord will rule over you." 

May my heart take great courage, comfort, and joy knowing that, YES, the Lord is in charge and ruling over my life! May I loosen my grip and stop pretending that I would ever want control over my life and circumstances. There is joy when I enjoy His mighty hand directing and dictating my life. Thank You, Father, for fighting for my greater good!!!

Psalm 16:8-9, 11 

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand. I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure...You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand." 

Why, Lord, do I seek pleasures and fulfillment from this world that has nothing satisfying to offer? By Your grace and with Your help may I always set my gaze on the beauty of Your face. I'm pursuing You, help me to pursue You!!! True gladness and rejoicing will come when I spend all my energies on being in Your presence.

Psalm 112:4

"Even in darkness light dawns for the upright"

Only a Creator and Savior like You would continue bringing forth light to such a dark and dying world. You are LIGHT and You are shining in and through all things! Thank You for the brilliant colors of dawn that when focused on change my perspective from temporary, selfish thoughts to everlasting thoughts of Your beauty and presence. You are working; You are good; You are near!!!

Romans 5:1-2

"We have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand."

Romans 5:20

"But where sin increased, grace increased all the more"

Romans 6:14

"Because you are not under law, but under grace"

Grace, grace God's grace!!! There is no life apart from His work on the cross! Not merely for salvation, but to continue living and being changed into His image. We need the cross!!! Help me not to live as if I'm under the law where there is guilt and shame! I am counted worthy by the blood of the Lamb and the word of His testimony about me!!

Ephesians 4:15

"Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ,"

May I be the gospel to those around me by speaking the truth (sometimes hard truth) in love! To those who know You and those who don't. May I be the aroma of Christ!!! Through conversations and simple interactions. May others see a glimpse of You as they encounter Your work of grace in my heart and life!

Thank You, Jesus, for Your Word and how You speak in the quiet still moments early in the morning, through a massive Beth Moore simulcast, and through our sweet community time discussing Your truth. You are amazing and my ever present help in time of need!!! To You be all glory and honor!

Ah, to sit.....

It feels so refreshing to sit right now and simply reflect on God; His character, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and goodness!! He is my joy, hope, and peace! He holds the universe and pours out love all at the same time!
So, I highly recommend sitting down and praying for others when you feel your heart perspective drifting towards self and away from Jesus. I am still refreshed from my time as I typed last week's post. Thank You, Father, for putting my gaze back on You!!! You are so beautiful!!!!
By God's grace, last week my attitude was more other-centered than me-centered. I had opportunities to share truth with others and pray with them! I love enjoying the Lord through relationships and gospel conversations.
An emotional heart-to-heart with my mom was definitely a gift!! Jesus, thank You for the honesty that she and I have and the encouragement we can give each other through scripture! Father, I pray that You would remind her tonight of Your presence and control over all circumstances!!! She trusts You, help her trust to deepen!
Matt had the opportunity to preach at a memorial service (his first). What a picture of Your faithfulness and work to see what 11 months can develop in friendships and heart connections. One couple from our community group lost a parent, and Matt helped usher their hearts into complete celebration over a loved one being with Jesus!!! Yes there is sadness, but oh the joy to know a son has returned home!!!
A conversation with my brother Wednesday night just sent my heart soaring!!! I pray that you would remind him of Your nearness right in the midst of circumstances!! That he would drink deeply from Your Word and love nothing more than You!!!
Lord, thank You for slowing me down toward the end of the week and stirring my heart with great thankfulness for Matt's servant leadership in my life and our family's. His help to me and my heart is quite the grace. I, with Your help, only hope to be the support and encouragement that he is to me. We don't always see eye to eye at first or come to situations the same way, but to ponder the growth of our relationship is to remember the gospel. May our marriage be used as a picture to a dying world of Your love, grace, and forgiveness.
Friday morning brought sweet conversation (and coffee) with a true dear friend that I am continually growing in my gratitude for. You have answered my prayers in Your perfect timing. December and I got together and were able to "let our guard down" and share honest struggles and deep joys with one another. Coming before Your throne together is so uplifting to my sometimes worrisome heart. Your refreshment is satisfying!!
I have absolutely loved spending time with my kids over the past few days. We were so incredibly busy this week but I found myself just watching them, laughing with/at them, wanting to catch some quality time one-on-one when the opportunity was there. One day in particular was so precious with the girls and I. A quiet morning at the library, going to Kroger for a ride on the "penny" horse, and a kiddie hot chocolate at Starbucks. We had so much fun!!! The simplest of things can serve as such a breath of fresh air! Another breather this week was bedtime. Reading, praying, and singing with the kids before bed can feel so rushed (and, honestly, sometimes I'm just "done"), but I found myself drinking in the preciousness of that time!
One other simple thing that has encouraged me this week is all the dinners we have eaten together as a family!! Even with the piano lessons, church activities, and soccer practices we are setting aside that time as sacred in our home. Thank You, Lord, for helping me stay on top of the planning (and may it continue) and giving me the energy to prep and cook when the time comes! AND for Matt's incredible help on multiple levels! This is one of those things that could be overlooked as God's faithfulness in my life and I praise Him that He's allowing my eyes and heart to be so aware of His goodness through dinners!!!
My post concludes this evening by reflecting on God's protection of Noah yesterday. His pinky is only fractured!!! An accident in the gym at church left us wondering, but the X-ray this morning confirmed! I'll take him to the orthopedist tomorrow to see just how bad it is. Noah was such a trooper today. I was so proud of him! He was nervous of the unknown, but he did very well!!! Thank You, Father, for stripping more of his control and reminding Him that You are the One we trust!!!
May God be given ALL the glory for the great things He has done!!

Matthew 6:33 "But seek first His Kingdom and righteousness and all these things will be added to You."
          Praise You, God!!! It is being added!!!!!! Fill me with more of You and less of me!

Approaching the Throne

Let's be open and laid bare from the start...my heart has been fussy all day today. Looking at the things not accomplished and focusing on my wants instead of those needs around me. But I take heart tonight in Hebrews 4:13-16 "Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. THEREFORE, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
So, tonight I want to approach the throne of my Savior and allow HIM to help my heart ponder the goodness that overflows to my heart and life from HIS heart!!
Lord, I am again overwhelmed with the growth I see in Matt. Today, specifically, he has served me, checked on me, pursued me, and loved me like only You can help him do. Thank you, Father, for reminding me of Your care even when I may hold it at arms' length. You pursue me and love me beyond my imagination and for that I am very grateful!! Lead Matt on the path that you want us to be on. Show him where to turn next. Use him to make much of Your name and fame. Thank you for his growth and determination in sharing and showing the gospel!!
Jesus, capture Noah's heart! Help him to realize that he is not good enough and will never be a part from Your work on the cross. Thank you for the times this weekend I heard and saw him showing kindness and sensitivity to others. Thank you for the tenderness that his heart shows and use that for Your kingdom. Continue softening his heart to the gospel and his need for a Savior.
The selfless, sharing heart that you have given Tucker is only a work of Your hand, Lord. Keep helping his eyes be on others more than they're on himself. Thank you for his joy of laughter. May his joy be rooted in You and cause others to want more of You! Help Tucker's aim in life to be to know you more and point others to You.
Father, Taylor is beautiful in Your eyes and perfect work of Your hand. To hear every song that she makes up to be about You and Your glory is just precious. May that truth be real in her heart one day as You draw her and mold her into Your precious daughter. She seems to know so much. Soften her heart to instruction and help her to humbly accept correction and wisdom. Use her for Your glory alone!!!
Give Nora a gentle and calm spirit, Lord. Help her to grow up with patience and love for those around her. Rid her of the demanding spirit that she has in her two-year-old body right now! May her amazingly beautiful smile be only a picture of the happiness in her heart as she knows she is loved by the Creator of the Universe. And may her captivating eyes draw people to a deep knowledge of the One she gazes at!
Wow, to have these thoughts and prayers replace the attitude I had when beginning this post is truly a gracious work of Jesus!!!
Thank You, Jesus, for giving me mercy and grace in my time of need!!!!

Hold fast to Jesus!!

What a week of "new normals!!" Last Monday I made reference to all the things going on this fall for my family, and sitting here now I can hardly believe that I made it through the past 7 days. Mainly because of my weak faith and lack of trust in God's control and help! But, of course, I made it because God IS in control and He does help even when I don't stop and ask for it!! We are adjusting to our new normal schedule for this school year and it's tough. However, Psalm 23:6 refreshed my heart right in the middle of what was absolutely insane circumstances..."Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever." Thank you, Jesus, for reminding me that Your goodness and mercy are following me (what a cool thought as I feel trampled by defeat and guilt). Knowing that I will dwell with Jesus forever is more than enough goodness for me to "make it," but He pours forth goodness for my days here on earth too!!! WOW! My heart has reasons to rejoice!!
I was, also, reminded this morning of the ONE call on my life from Joshua 22, "to hold fast to Him and to serve Him with all your heart and all your soul." Good, well-behaved kids are not my calling; a clean organized house is not my calling; keeping up with those around me is not my calling. The calling on my life is to hold fast to Jesus!!!!! Lord, change my heart to be singular focused! Help me be aware of when I'm distracted from my calling. Joy, peace, and rest will overwhelm my soul when I gaze on Your beauty and remember that You are enough!
Your faithfulness, Lord, has pursued me this week. At the start of the week I was focused on my circumstances and feeling way out of control, and You gently reminded me that I'm NOT in control. To pretend that I am is arrogant and a sin against Your character. Forgive me and change me! Your control is good and right in all circumstances! Thank you, Father, for helping Matt and I work together and support one another! Matt's patience with my emotional explosions is You being patient with me! His tenderness to calm my heart and point me back to the cross is You reminding me of Your love and care for me! His words of truth and gracious correction are Your promises to refine my soul and make me more like Jesus!
I am so excited over how the Lord has directed my involvement in the student ministry at CBC!! I will obviously continue to support Matt in everything he's leading in and offer help when needed, BUT my focus is building relationships on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights and teaching the high school girls' Sunday school class. The Lord has made me more aware of the things He's wired me to be passionate about! I love connecting with people's hearts and having genuine conversations, and I love teaching the Bible to people and helping lead discussions. YAY!!! Thanks for the open doors, Jesus! And thanks for Your wisdom and direction to continue on and pull back where you want me to.
The boys are doing great in school and soccer so far! Matt and I are praying for wisdom to love well in the seasons that they're in and help them not pursue perfection, but enjoy what they can do and seek to get better in other areas. The girls, well, the tears are flowing every MWF when they're dropped off at school. I hate leaving them when they're sad. I pray for their hearts to be full of joy as they remember how much they're loved throughout the day.
For all the moms and dads reading this....I came across an amazing truth on someone's blog last week that is so simple, yet profound. As believing parents, let us seek to raise adults that will run to Jesus in their time of need! Lord, make me an example of one that runs to You for help instead of pretending that I have it all together or feeling guilty that I'm weak. I truly want my kids more than anything to love Jesus with everything that they are. To lean on Him, trust in Him, and pursue Him with such great passion that others would know that they have been with Jesus!
Thank you, Father, for Your work...seen and unseen....and for Your presence in my life!!!

Joy in the Journey!!

Psalm 115:1
"Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to Your name give glory, for the sake of Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness!"
In all honesty, I really struggle to want the glory for myself!! This is evident in my frustrations when my plans are messed up, when things don't go my way, and when life isn't all about me!! There it is...the raw, laid bare, wretched heart posture that this girl has so much of the time! His grace and forgiveness is HUGE to love me and call me precious despite the ME perspective that I fight on a regular basis.
It is all for Him and His glory!!! The times that I can live this way by His grace and with His help offer such freedom to my enslaved selfish heart!!! TO YOUR NAME GIVE GLORY!!!
Conversations: This week has been rich with conversations!! Relationships are such a gift from Jesus and a picture of His work on the cross! Skyping with a heart friend in East Asia...what a gift!!! Having lunch with a friend that has just come back from East Asia...what an encouragement!!! Spending basically the whole day Friday just Matt and I (kids were in school and piano lessons hadn't started up yet)...what a joy!!! Honest confessions during our community group time Sunday night...what a blessing!!! None of these happen apart from the hand of God to work things for His glory and to further His kingdom! Nothing of my doing. TO YOUR NAME GIVE GLORY!!!
Schedules: Welcome to August - 32 piano lessons kicking off, Middle School Choir directing, 4 kids in school, 2 boys playing soccer, regular youth events, Matt's seminary class starting up...Whew!! Today was the beginning of what we are trying to think of as a great adventure. God has things before us that we've never seen and we can't begin to imagine how He's going to use them for His glory and to make us more like Himself. At every turn, no matter how sharp, I want to see the joy in the journey as He carries me and my family. Today He supplied such energy for all that needed to happen and I made it!!!! In little moments and big moments I want to breath in His goodness and grace and not take a breath without thanking Him for supplying!!! TO YOUR NAME GIVE GLORY!!!
Life: Jacob Glenn LaRue is HERE!!! I have a new precious nephew; born just tonight!!! I haven't seen him in person yet but I know that he's perfect, made in the image of God and created to bring his Creator glory!! What an incredible picture of God's grace and perfect timing!! Helpless newborn babies are such a connection to the truth of the gospel. May my heart be in such dependence on Jesus as Jake is for every little breath and heartbeat! TO YOUR NAME GIVE GLORY!!!

As I close...
Lord, I need Your constant help to change my perspective from me-centered to YOU-everything!! Everything is from Your hand and all Your doing. Thank You for Your never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever LOVE (taken from the Jesus Storybook Bible). I want to live for Your glory and point others to You. Help me see opportunities to enjoy You when circumstances are spinning out of control. Thank You for Your supply today!! And for joy in the journey! TO YOUR NAME GIVE GLORY!!! Amen.

Let's not Forget!!

A Chapter Ending -
The past 3 months has been so full of God's grace and goodness!!! As we were praying tonight (the eve of the school year) I was reflecting with the kids on all the memories and togetherness we have had during the summer!!! ALL from the hand of our Creator! Trip to MS to see family (lots of family!), VBS, lots of pool days, forts, movie nights at home, Mimi time for kids while Matt and I went to camp with students (one from our group accepted Christ and others grew a ton), games, bike and scooter rides, late movies, drive-in movie in the church parking lot, loose teeth, play dates, and much, much more!! Along with these memories there were hard times: disciplining and training four children, tears, sickness, death, interpersonal struggle, misunderstandings, weary hearts, wasp stings, potty training, skinned knees, and much, much more!! BUT in and through it all was God's grace and faithfulness. He strengthened us and reminded us so much of His nearness and His aim to perfect our faith and make us like His Son! His mercies are new every morning to provide for us what we need for what He has planned for our day!! I can testify that He keeps His promise!!
Thank you Jesus for the "stay-cation" we were able to take last week!! Just 15 minutes from home, but a world away in our hearts. Intense family time! What a way to celebrate Jesus! He provides and blesses!!! Your blessings after a stripped down simple summer are overflowing!
This past week Noah was an amazing big brother!!! Don't get me wrong...his share of mistakes, but God allowed me to stop during 2 key moments and see this 8 1/2 year old boy playing and laughing with his sisters. Once while we were finishing up a swim play date and another during Tucker's soccer practice! This mommy is so thankful to give God all the glory in those little moments along with the huge ones!
His work is so evident in Tucker's heart too as I listen to him plan out his sharing strategy just minutes after getting a party favor bag. He couldn't wait to get home and share his candy with everyone!!!! Now that is God at work, don't you think?!! Romans 3 says that "There is no one who seeks God, no one who does good!" So it is God working in my precious children when I see them serving and being selfless!!! He is faithful!
The truth that I keep being taught in my own time in the Word and the sermons at church keep speaking of joy in the midst of suffering. What a hard thing to walk out especially when it hits you square in the face!! This past week there were two situations where by God's grace and hand on my life I was able to respond (not initially) with joy and trust in my Savior. One was during a simple conversation and being misunderstood completely. My heart intent was to share a new and exciting thing about to start at church and the response was doubt and negativity! WOW!! Thank you Jesus for keeping my mouth shut (until I let it all out to Matt shortly after). God fights for me and my joy and it can ONLY be found in Him and my union with Him through Jesus. The second situation of suffering is far more serious but just as evident of God's work and grace. Sickness is such a hard thing to grasp...questions, fears, emotions...but I'm praying for God to continue to move and grow and deepen walks with Him and a passion for His name and fame!!!
What an amazing time of accountability with the ladies in our community group this past Sunday night. Digging deeper and praying for one another.....a picture of the power of the gospel!!! We've been forgiven and extended grace to; let us show this to others!!!
This week concludes with fabulous time with my dear sister!!! She's due with little Jacob any day now and I got to spend 2 1/2 hours of uninterrupted time with her!!! So thankful for both of our husbands making this possible!
I leave you tonight with...
James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights,
                   who does not change like shifting shadows."
Let's not forget!!!

A new journey....

The intent of this blog is to magnify Jesus and tell of His wondrous deeds!!! He is forever faithful and lavishing grace upon grace on me and my family and I want to tell of His awesome works!!! As the Israelites were so quick to forget God's provision in the face of drought and suffering as am I quick to grumble or wish for different when things don't go my way. So God has layed on my heart to journal of His abounding goodness and faithfulness in my life so my mind and heart would be fixed on Jesus, the Author and Perfector of my faith!!!
Well, tonight, Monday, August 5th, has me sitting in my room with 4 precious children asleep upstairs. The mood is quiet but my heart is full of joy!!!!! Noah, our 8 year old, has been asking so many gospel questions lately. Praise God for His work in his heart and Matt and I are trusting God in His perfect timing to draw Noah's heart and give him a new heart that seeks the Lord and desires to glorify Him with everything he is! Tucker, Mr. 6 yr old, is so full of life and laughter! He, too, is beginning to truly desire things of the Lord and simply wants to "have Jesus!!" Our "Tay-bug" (3...almost 4 she's quick to remind us) is absolutely a joy and refreshment to any hurting soul. She wants to laugh with and take care of whomever she is around. She is never without words and I pray that God will let her tell so many people about Jesus over the course of her life. Ah, then there's little Nora!! Our 2 year old. Full of energy, whether positive or negative, everything is FULL on!!! She reminds me of God's unfailing love as that is her new thing to say. "Mommy, I love you. You love me? I love you!!!" Oh, what a gift!!
This summer has been full of so many memories. Normal life/routine memories, new beginnings, family adventures, and sanctification moments for the parents as much as the children!! Thank you Jesus for Your constant work even when I kick and scream and want it my way!!! Thank you for changing me and helping me enjoy "little" moments along the journey and may I grow in this mindset.
As I watch my husband continually seek the Lord for help and guidance I am awed by the fact that twelve years ago Matt Gurney said "Yes!" to marrying me. We have grown so much this summer in our reliance on God's strength and in our love and care for one another. Thank you, Jesus, that you gave me a leader that points me to You even when it may feel uncomfortable! He had the opportunity to preach in church last night and oh, to hear Matt break the Word with such honest, humble passion is a sign of God's faithfulness in and of itself!! So many affirming words from others! What are you leading us to, Lord?
God has brought a friend into my life to pray with on a regular basis. She is great encouragement to me over our honest and sometimes tearful conversations. He has reconciled another friendship after much heartache. But forgiveness is there because of the forgiveness we receive at the cross!
The Lord has opened a door for me to teach the Word to High School girls on a regular basis after showing me that He has given me the desire to do so!! The opportunity is all His doing!!!! I'm praying about and meeting with people about a vision He's given me to help young parents connect and grow in their love for Jesus and His church. Praying over those details!
The summer over the past 6 years has been a very testing time with our finances. My piano lessons pretty much cease and this is a huge cut in our family income. We prayed and really committed to some specific things at the beginning of this summer (cheaper dinners, not as many road trips which meant I was home for 9 days while Matt went to Ecuador, simpler living) and asked the Lord to by His own doing provide more piano students than ever! I can now say with only 2 weeks left of this "dry" time that He IS faithful and will do over and above what you expect or imagine. 20 students, sustained energy during single parent life, thankful hearts over PB&J, and enjoyment of one another as opposed to the goings and doings of culture are a testimony of His hand on our life!!!!
This may seem like a unorganized list, and it is, but as I meditate on His faithfulness things flood my mind! This only scratches the surface, but as my first entry it somewhat catches you up!
My heart wants to testify, " I see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14