The Joy Set Before Me

I struggle so much with guilt and shame over what I didn't do, should have done better, or when I just completely blow it. I allow my thoughts to wander into self condemnation and fear of not being good enough. I look at my life and think of all the ways I should be better, and then I attribute my circumstances to punishment and consequences that I could have avoided had I acted correctly. Satan knows this bent in my perspective all too well and whispers lies to me that add to the guilt and feelings of inadequacy. I am learning, by God's grace and with His help, how to preach to myself and remind myself of truth in those moments. Lately, this process has been very slow. HOWEVER, Jesus has ever so graciously reminded me again that there is opportunity for joy in the midst of growing, changing, and pursuing Him more. My prayer is, "Don't look back with condemnation, don't feel guilty, press into Jesus and be full of joy as He changes me!!"

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, 

the author and perfecter of our faith, 

who for the joy set before Him 

endured the cross, scorning its shame, 

and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:2

Thoughts from my heart: 

• My eyes have to stay fixed on Him and His beauty. I cannot ponder and reflect on me!! As I think of Him and gaze at His face, He changes me! 
• He gives me my faith and He perfects my faith. I don't have what it takes. I am so uncomfortable with that idea, but, oh the freedom that it brings to my weak and broken heart.
• There is joy that has been set before me. And this joy is the source of my endurance through life and suffering. Jesus endured the cross because He had joy set before Him. That joy was knowing that He was submitting to His Father's will and that He would be with Him forever. Jesus is my joy by which I endure! And there is joy even as I encounter my weakness and my mistakes. Jesus is changing me and drawing me closer to His presence.

Father, fill me with Your joy as I submit to Your will and help me live knowing that I will be with You forever!

Glory Due His Name

Ascribe to the Lord, O mighty ones,

ascribe to the Lord glory and strength.

Ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name;

worship the Lord in the splendor of His holiness.

Psalm 29:1-2

"Ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name!" This phrase rang in my heart all day after reading it this morning. He deserves all glory and will demand all glory because it is due Him!! EVERYTHING is working itself to bring Him all glory, honor, and fame.

Father, thank you for the sweet days that just Taylor, Nora, and I have had since they are already out for summer and the boys still have a few days in school. And, thank you for the "no piano lessons" week! We have just enjoyed one another and You have increased my energy to play with them, discipline them, have heart to hearts with them (yes, at 4 and 3 years old), and just treasure them! This mindset is sustained by You and is by no means perfect, but in reflection I have truly loved our time! What a gift of grace to be able to slow down and remember the treasure of this time! When my heart and flesh fail, I trust You to be my portion forever.

Despite my weak faith and anxious thoughts you have given me opportunities to have awesome conversations with people this week! Wow, it's as if it has nothing to do with me! "Ascribe to the Lord glory and strength." I have been so weak and distracted, but there is power and clarity when it is Your truth. Thank You for the times of hopefully clarifying the gospel with a student this week. I pray that she will look to You for the answers she needs. Draw her deeper into Yourself!! Please use me to encourage others in very real ways with the gospel. Help me to be bold!

At Noah and Tucker ages (9 and 7) there are constant teachable moments and needs for heart intersections. Some things due to friends and classmates; others here at home. Thank You, Father, for helping Matt and I slow down and answer questions (even right before bed); and for giving us the truth from Your Word that points them to You and reminds them of their need for You to rescue their hearts. It is the Holy Spirits work to change them. We are instruments in their lives to help them growth. I forget that so much and stress over what they will become, etc. Forgive me, Father, for not trusting You!

Jesus, thank You for the refuge that time with Matt provides! Encouraging one another, praying together, venting and being honest with one another are comforting and a breath during times when it is hard to trust, know which way to go, or how to think. May we "worship YOU in the splendor of Your holiness." You are the anchor for our souls and the direction for our path. Help us to trust You, seek You, follow You, and love You with everything we are!! 

You are good and Your mercy will endure!

Both Spectrums

You are good and Your mercy will endure!
My strength may fail, but You are my portion forever!
You are in the heavens and You do as You please!
Your nearness is my good!
Your strength is made perfect in my weakness!

These phrases flood my heart and mind when I reflect on the past couple of weeks. All of them speak of my nothingness and Your everything!! Thank You for Your strength! Thank You for Your perfection! Thank You for Your steadfast love! I am nothing without You!

The only hope I have in this world is You, Father, and You know how I've been searching for hope and joy in the things of this world. Thank You for wooing me back and continuing to pursue me when I am so faithless. Forgive me for seeking others' affections and friendship to satisfy the deep longing that only You can fill. The fog of physical pains and emotional heartaches have been too much for me to bear on my own (but I have tried) and I thank You and praise You for carrying me through.

I am overwhelmed with love and a deep hearted thankfulness for Matt and his care for my heart over the past couple of weeks. The ways he has encouraged me and consoled me has done nothing but remind me of Your gentleness, patience, and endurance. Thank You for the man of God that You are continuing to work out in him. It is a perfect work that You are not through with yet. And, thank You a million times over that You have put us together. He points be back to You and washes me with the water of Your Word!! His desire truly is Ephesians 5:26 "...that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word..." The way he leads draws attention to You and Your great power not his own. Thank You for Your blessings in him!

Father, rid me of the worrisome thoughts and fears that reveal my lack of trust in You! Fill me with Your joy and passion for Your glory and name alone.

Thank You for the graces this week:

• Sweet, short, and meaningful conversations with each one of my children have warmed my heart! They need me and my time so much. More importantly they need You. May I point them to You by my words, actions, and priorities. 
• Working out the details of this month long jury duty service. And by that I mean NO TRIALS!! Couldn't be any better. 
• Making it to the end of another school year of teaching piano. WOW!! 33 lessons a week! Next week's recital will be a time to sit and enjoy all You've done through me to teach these precious students.
• Conversations with my sister to encourage her heart and pray for her and Glenn! Father, You know and You are near and in control. Use this to press them deeper into You.
• Mother's Day was such a sweet, long, open afternoon and evening. Thank You for my family and all the ways they blessed me that day and every other day too. Picnic, bookstore, fro-yo, and home to relax.
• Laughter!! Among the sadness there has been laughter! May my joy come from deep within!

Your goodness flows in abundance, Lord! Your faithfulness reaches to the sky's! May Your name alone be praised! Amen.

His Identity

It has taken some God-given discipline to continue studying through 2 Chronicles over the last few weeks. And, by God's grace and with His help, I finished it yesterday morning! What a journey to read and study about the different kings and the reoccurring "he did evil in the eyes of the Lord." But, ah, there were those men that pursued the Lord and did what was right in God's eyes. What faithfulness in the midst of darkness. What evidence of God's strength and desire in the hearts of weak men. Josiah was just one of those men that stood out to me during my study. He was only 8 when he became king! Whoa!! "He did right in the eyes of the Lord and walked in the ways of his father David." (2 Chron. 34:2) At only the age of 20 (the 12th year of his reign) "he began to purge Judah and Jerusalem of high places, Asherah poles, carved idols and cast images...the altars of Baals were torn down..."(2 Chron. 34:3-4). The phrase "high places" really struck me in my studies. I think I've heard someone preach on this idea and truth before, so this was possibly just a refresher and reminder to my heart. What high places are in my heart that are hindering me from lifting Jesus high? Can I have high places and still worship Jesus with my whole heart, mind, and strength? Aren't high places of any kind idols? You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything..." (Deut. 5:7-8) So again I had to ask myself, What high places are in my heart and hindering my affections to be fully on Jesus?
Identity.
What others think about me; what I think about myself. God, You are showing me how much I think about myself and attached to that is what value and worth I feel like I have or deserve. Let me stop right here and recommend a book that I literally read in 3 days (it's only 3 chapters); "The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness" by Tim Keller. Amazing truth of the freedom Paul walked in by only valuing the opinion of his Savior! Paul's value was declared on the cross through Jesus's blood and any performance was simply evidence of that given value. Not the other way around. Therefore, Paul was not concerned with the opinions of others or even the opinion of himself. What freedom!
Now back to my heart. I, however, do not have that freedom because the value that others dictate or allude to about me or how I'm feeling about myself has become a high place for me. It consumes me. It causes fear, anxiety, and lack of trust of what Jesus has already accomplished for me. Ultimately what I'm saying in those moments is that what God thinks about me is not good enough for me! Talk about a reality check! I would never say that with my mouth, but I am beginning to recognize this thought process and heart posture going on a great deal. What ends of happening is all I can think about is me. High place? Absolutely!! Praise God for His grace and mercy to reveal this to me and woo me into a deeper dependence on Him and greater satisfaction in Him. There is no shame or guilt. There is just boasting in weakness at another opportunity to be awed by a God that forgives and changes forever!!
Lord, grow me and change me! Press me more into Your loving arms! Rid me of the "me thoughts." Purge my heart of the high place of MY identity. Remind me in those self-centered moments that I've been given a new identity, YOUR identity, that is unshakable! Grant me freedom from myself and to love You more than life itself and to forever know that I AM YOURS!!!!
I pray all these things from a humbled, weak heart to a great God Who is in control and can make good come for the sake of Your glory! Amen.

From Him, Through Him, and To Him

For from Him and through Him and 

to Him are all things. 

To Him be the glory forever! 

Amen.

Romans 11:36

Father, thank You for leading Matt and I through others and the stirring of our own hearts to come up with core values for our family. I commit these to You and confess that I do not have what it takes to be consistent or strong in any of these areas myself much less guide and train my children to do so. You hold us together and You have become to us wisdom and lived the perfect life on our behalf. So, with that being said, here are the things that the Gurneys want to be about. All for the purpose of honoring You, knowing You, and helping others see and want You more and more.

          Gracious

          Under Authority

          Real

          Nurturing

          Enduring

          Yearning for God

You are a gracious God and lavish Your perfect grace upon Your children every moment of every day. I praise You for that, Father, and completely know that I don't deserve Your love and grace, but because of Your great mercy You have chosen to pour out Your grace and forgiveness on unworthy sinners. We want to be a picture of Your grace to one another and to those around us. Being quick to forgive, slow to anger, willing to overlook an offense, and finding joy in giving without receiving. We want to display Your graciousness for the sake of Your glory!!

You are such a comforting Authority that has complete control and sovereignty over every detail. Help me to trust You and find the freedom that You offer as I submit to You out of reverence for Christ. Jesus, please help the four little blessings running around this house to see the protection and freedom that living under mommy and daddy's authority offers them. We ultimately want them to enjoy being under Your authority and control, so help us be good (yet weak) examples to them.

God, You are so honest and real! Thank You for Your promises that reflect the truthfulness that is wrapped up in Your character. We want to foster such realness in our family, so we will be real with You in our times of weakness, need, sin, and shame. Fill our home with sweet conversations and confessions that glorify Your matchless Name!

We want the relationships represented among the six of us to be helpful, encouraging, kind, and causing growth. Living constantly in one another's space can be messy at times. We get tired, selfish, and weary of looking to one another's needs above our own. We naturally live for our own kingdoms instead of all together living for Your Kingdom! Draw us closer to Your heart and give us unity at the foot of the cross that will have the flavor of nurturing. Remind us often to take care of our own bodies, both physically and spiritually, as well as spur one another toward love and good deeds that will make much of You!!!

May we never give up, Lord. Again, reflecting Your never giving up, always and forever character! You are our Example and You are our Help!!! Produce in us a mindset to press on no matter what it is that we're doing. In everything we do, may we do it as unto You! Help us to endure and finish well!!!!

As a bottom line, may the foundation of our home be one built on yearning for You, our Great and Awesome God! As a deer pants for water, may our souls thirst for You. May we earnestly seek You as individuals and as a family as one would search for water in a dry and weary land. You are better than life itself! Mark our lives with a longing for Your presence and Your Word.

Thank You, Jesus, for desiring good in us. Goodness that will bring You such attention! Goodness that will not be about men, but You! Goodness that is supplied by Your indwelling Spirit! May we be in constant pursuit of You and grow in our trust in You. You will give us these desires as we desire You! Thank You for the answer, YES, in Jesus!!!!

For from Him and through Him and 

to Him are all things. 

To Him be the glory forever! 

Amen.

Romans 11:36

A Mother's Prayer for Her Sons

It's birthday central around the Gurney house!! March is madness for us...celebrating both Noah and Tucker's birthdays!! Wow!! 9 and 7! CRAZY!!!! As much as I want to celebrate my precious boys and show them the gifts they are every year in very unique and creative ways, I have been struck by the fact that nothing I can do will ever compare to what God has in store for their journeys. Which is why tonight I sit and offer up prayers for my sons...
Father, show Yourself to Noah. Open up his heart to the gospel. Take his heart of stone and mold it into a heart of flesh that is madly in love with You!! You have given him a bright mind and he is learning things about You, for which I am very thankful, but sink Your truth into the deepest parts of his being. Give him a singular heartbeat for You and Your glory. Soften his heart to correction and instruction. Help him see that he is in need of a Savior and that You are his only hope. Give him a heart and care for others that come before thoughts of himself. Make him very aware of his sin, not for guilt and shame sake, but to increase his awe of the gospel. Thank You, Father, for working in him and giving him a desire to please other people and making them smile at him. But, God, please use that desire for Your good and not the pressure filled people-pleasing mentality that Satan so easily can deceive with. Thank You for the love of reading that You've given Noah. Please funnel that love toward Your Word and truth. Teach him to think critically and align everything with the very inspired Words of You!! I am so thankful for Noah. And I praise You for the gift of him in our family!!
Father, draw Tucker's heart to You. Help him understand that saying he wants to love You is not fully surrendering his life to You. But thank You for that love You've given him at such an early age!! Bring true understanding to his heart of his need for a Rescuer and his hopelessness without You. Guard his sensitive heart from those that will take advantage of him. Continue helping him be a good friend to those around him. Thank You for giving him a love for sharing his things with others. Continue helping him put others before himself. God, He needs Your patience. Help him to trust You when the timing is not in his plans. Give him a faith that trusts You and knows that You are good and perfect in all You do!! Give Tucker the confidence to be himself and not follow the crowd. Raise him up to be a gentle and kind leader and use him to point others to You. I pray, Father, that You will give him great affections for You, Your Word, and Your glory!! Help him to be willing to suffer and go through hard things for the sake of the gospel. Give Tucker joy beyond all measure!! Thank You so much for this precious 2nd born son! Tucker is precious to us!!
I trust You, Father, with these two priceless lives and I know that their hearts and journeys are in Your hands. Help me, God, to point them to You by my words, actions, and habits. For Your glory alone that I pray these things in Your holy and majestic name. Amen.

Wounded, Healing, and Thankful

But He was pierced for our transgressions,

He was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him,

and by His wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5

Feeling wounded, Lord, I woke up this morning with this verse on my heart. You, perfect sinless Savior, pierced? You, strong Warrior and Creator, crushed? Your punishment brought me peace? Your wounds bring me healing? The truths in this one verse are mind-boggling and outrageous!! But I am thankful with a broken-hearted thankfulness that they are indeed true. Seeing the connections here...You were healed through Your wounds; I am healed by Your wounds; and therefore, the wounds You ordain for me in my journey will heal my heart and cause me to have greater affections for You. They are painful and humbling, but, ah, so necessary! I would never write them in a story for myself, but I praise You, Jesus, for knowing exactly what I need to stir greater happiness in You and to rid me of myself and this world.

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory."

"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?"

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.

BUT thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 15:54-57

Death has no sting through the life given in Jesus!! Sin leads to death and, therefore, sin has no sting through the blood of Jesus!! Yes it hurts and causes heartache, but the death and sting has been answered on the cross! My sin and others have been paid in full! Thank You, Father, for the reminder of this truth and the healing it brings to my heart. Believing the promise that Jesus' work is enough is the only thing that can bring healing to my weak and hurting heart. 

I know that You are for me

I know that You are for me

I know that You will never 

Forsake me in my weakness

"You are For Me"

I am weak and in much need of Your grace and help today (and everyday)! Thank You for being for me! My heart wanders into the lie that what others think of me is my driving pursuit. Fill me with Your presence and sing beautiful songs of grace and mercy over me. (Zeph. 3:17)

Higher than the mountains that I face

Stronger than the power of the grave

Constant through the trial and the change

One thing...remains

Your love never fails, never gives up

Never runs out on me

"One Thing Remains"

Your love is enough!!! Help me see the beauty of Your constant, sustaining love in the valleys of life and when I'm facing a mountain!! I am weak, but praise Your name, You are strong and unchanging!!!

Only one name lasts forever

Only one fame stands alone

Only on King has an anthem

That goes on and on and on

And I'm singing to the God

Who brings redemption to the nations

Kings and oceans bow to Him in praise

And I'm singing to the God

Who wrote the book on our salvation

To the One who covers me in grace

I'm singing!!

"I'm singing"

And this is why I'm thankful! My wounds and my healing have caused my eyes and heart to look up and You have answered me with truth from Your Word and God glorifying songs to help me want to sing and praise You!! Yes, it is still a broken-hearted and very weak thankfulness; BUT a thankfulness indeed.

To You alone deserves all praise and glory and honor!! For You have done great and marvelous things!