I struggle so much with guilt and shame over what I didn't do, should have done better, or when I just completely blow it. I allow my thoughts to wander into self condemnation and fear of not being good enough. I look at my life and think of all the ways I should be better, and then I attribute my circumstances to punishment and consequences that I could have avoided had I acted correctly. Satan knows this bent in my perspective all too well and whispers lies to me that add to the guilt and feelings of inadequacy. I am learning, by God's grace and with His help, how to preach to myself and remind myself of truth in those moments. Lately, this process has been very slow. HOWEVER, Jesus has ever so graciously reminded me again that there is opportunity for joy in the midst of growing, changing, and pursuing Him more. My prayer is, "Don't look back with condemnation, don't feel guilty, press into Jesus and be full of joy as He changes me!!"
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus,
the author and perfecter of our faith,
who for the joy set before Him
endured the cross, scorning its shame,
and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2
Thoughts from my heart:
- My eyes have to stay fixed on Him and His beauty. I cannot ponder and reflect on me!! As I think of Him and gaze at His face, He changes me!
- He gives me my faith and He perfects my faith. I don't have what it takes. I am so uncomfortable with that idea, but, oh the freedom that it brings to my weak and broken heart.
- There is joy that has been set before me. And this joy is the source of my endurance through life and suffering. Jesus endured the cross because He had joy set before Him. That joy was knowing that He was submitting to His Father's will and that He would be with Him forever. Jesus is my joy by which I endure! And there is joy even as I encounter my weakness and my mistakes. Jesus is changing me and drawing me closer to His presence.
Father, fill me with Your joy as I submit to Your will and help me live knowing that I will be with You forever!
