This past week I found myself lacking in a deep-rooted, always trusting, forever growing JOY!! I found myself asking the LORD for a life with a flavor of joy. One that doesn't waver depending on circumstances or acknowledgments from others. One that is contagious to those around me. One that causes my children to love Jesus with everything they are. One that sustains me during the overwhelming times and discouraging times. One that leaves me hungering and thirsting for more of my Savior. Well...I still felt....uh.....lacking! Ever been there? You just want something but don't know how to obtain it? You try so hard but still see the limitations and weaknesses?
Father, this is where I was at the end of last week. Feeling overwhelmed and unable to handle things the way I knew I should. Feeling fussy and out of control. Sure it was a crazy week with 2 out of 4 kids (so far) catching the yearly fall stomach bug, a field trip, Matt's seminary class assignments, celebrating an amazing 4 year old's birthday, extra things at church, and just the normal stuff for us; BUT I wanted to be joyful!!! And, well, I wasn't! I wanted my life to explode with a joy that holds steady through it all!!! And I didn't have it!
Seeking the rules to obey; I found freedom in grace. Longing for the formula to follow; I found Your accomplishments through the cross. Only focusing on my deficiencies; I found Your strength being made perfect. Feeling out of control; You reminded me that You are in control. Thank You, Jesus, for the reminder that You are God and You are good!!!
Here are the gentle, yet powerful words that came my way this morning:
Psalm 16:11 "You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
I want joy? Seek Jesus!!! I will find joy, FULL joy, when I'm pursuing Christ and enjoying His beauty and majesty. God, I get so distracted and think that it's how I'm living and how well I'm measuring up that grants me joy. That's all wrong!! You are my joy!!! In your presence are joy and pleasures forevermore!! As John Piper said, "There's nothing fuller than full and nothing longer than forever!!" Help my heart believe that, Father! Let every part of me know that all I need is YOU!
These verses, also, came to my heart during this week:
2 Corinthians 4:8-10 "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies."
It hit me this week that I'm not crushed, in despair, forsaken, or destroyed because of Jesus!!! Not because circumstances only go so far and then cease to be difficult. Jesus was crushed in my place! His death provides protection for my life. Jesus is my hope through the cross, so there is no despair! Jesus will never leave me or forsake me!! I will not experience destruction or death because my life is now hidden with Jesus. "To live is Christ, and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21 Sharing in the sufferings and death of Jesus is where my joy, hope, comfort, peace, and contentment are found.
May my heart forever be seeking Your face, O LORD, and my eyes be setting their gaze on Your beauty. Forgive me for pretending that I could have a life of joy on my own, or that other things could produce joy in the deepest parts of my soul. May I always remember that a deep rooted, never wavering joy is found only in You. Thank You for the cross!!!!!!
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