The sanctification of NO ROUTINE!!!

Well, Lord, when I think of the past couple of weeks (since I didn't blog last week) the only thing that comes to mind is.....lack of routine!!! The snow days and sub-zero degree days out of school have thrown any kind of normalcy in this household out the window!! I'd like to say that I was thrilled with all the extra time that we all had together and the time I had off of teaching lessons on my normal schedule, BUT I would be painting a false picture. Yes, I did enjoy the days-staying in our pjs, watching movies, sledding, play dates, letting the kids stay up later, sleeping "in" (for us anyway), etc. I do cherish this time when my children are young and our house is literally shaking because of the activity level; however, sometimes it's a moment by moment choice and surrender that I will have joy no matter what comes across my path. To remember that everything is from the hand of You, my gracious Father, is such a hard perspective and heart posture to keep. Needless to say, many times over the last two weeks I have just had enough-too much laundry, too many dishes (dishwasher is on the brink), too many conflicts, too much disobedience, too much inside time, etc. BUT, Jesus, then comes Your grace!! You make me aware of my lack of patience or my demands of comfort and "nothingness." You remind me of Your presence and that You don't promise me ease, but You do promise to supply me and sustain me through it all. Lord, I praise You and thank You for the moments that I can recount that You helped me take a deep breath and drink in Your goodness and then move on about the day You have planned for me. Yes, I wish I could handle it without the need for the reminders, but here is the weakness that I want to live in and be able to recognize Your perfect strength living in me.
Now, the specific graces of the past couple of weeks! Father, You continued to wake me up each morning with a yearning for Your Word. The dark, cold, and no routine mornings don't help to convince me to rise early and spend time sitting at Your feet. And, honestly, they weren't as early, but You gently wooed my heart with the sweetness of Your voice. I have had an amazing time studying through 1 Thessalonians over the past two weeks. Reading the entire book over and over, listening to it as I run, and reading sermons on desiringgod.org have encouraged me and challenged me so much. May I be filled with hope that only comes from You that I would be able to endure and endure well. Let me love others with a love to shines forth Your glory and spreads the gospel. Thank You for those people that You've put in my life that hold me accountable and remind me of Your goodness and grace. Another grace that I can give You glory for is the specific training that Matt and I have been able to do with our kids since we've been home so much together. Simple things like washing and drying dishes, folding clothes, helping prepare meals, helping siblings, cleaning up after yourself, etc. They don't come running 100% of the time with a smile on their face ready to help serve, but I will say that they really have loved learning new things. Thank You for the patience and willingness to let things take longer, not be done perfect (or as I would do them), and take more effort to explain and teach. You are giving us a growing since of being a family and all pitching in and helping. Lord, help me continue to see life through my kids' lens and stop and include them or put down a task and enjoy them more often. And guard my heart from feeling like I need to uphold a "super mom" expectation!!! In addition to patience through teaching the kiddos new things, You have supplied me with patience and clarity over admonishing and disciplining them. Correction is a must and is a very constant thing. You have shown me my laziness in certain areas and my lack of consistency. Another weakness and place for me to enjoy Your work in my life and Your grace and mercy to change me!! You are showing me ways that I can use Your Word to teach and correct these precious children that You've blessed me with. We read Your Word consistently with all four of our kids at bed time, but for it to, also, be used in how we show them their sin just reflects that Your Word is all we need for life and godliness. It, also, helps my heart stay gentle and gracious and my words to be caring but seasoned with salt. Thank You, Lord, for being everything for me and to me!! Continue helping me be consistent and clear with what is expected of them, but showing them what Your grace looks like as I care for their hearts.
You are blowing me away with truth about the incarnation through Elise Fitzpatrick's book "Found in Him." If I am honest, I have to say that I am struggling to wrap my head around some of the truths of You, Jesus, being fully God and fully man. Thank You for the mystery and thank You for helping me "get" some of it. You had to grow in wisdom, but never made a foolish choice. You were tempted yet held true to Your Word and perfection. You suffered with joyful obedience. All of these done in my place and accomplishing what I could not. Lord, help me to joyfully obey as I share in the sufferings of Christ!

Satisfy us in the morning 

with Your steadfast love, 

that we may rejoice 

and be glad all our days.

Psalm 90:14

Honesty

Father, as I sit down tonight I am amazed at Your goodness once again. Psalm 16 says that "I have no good apart from You." I want to attribute every good and perfect gift as from You, Jesus. The honest conversations that I can reflect on from the past several weeks are again a sign of Your presence, work, and faithfulness. To not see them as from Your mighty hand is to neglect Your glory and miss Your love and grace. Thank You for the eyes to see them as gifts from You!!
Even a simple, short ride to the grocery store with my mom over the holidays was significant for my heart. You provided even those few moments for us to connect in heart and for me to share things that she could be praying for me about. Thank You, Jesus, for her encouragement and care for me. There is something so refreshing about being real with someone you can trust.
Just a question of my hopes for the new year provided an opportunity for me to share my heart with Matt's sister. You were (and still are) stirring things in me from Your Word about living in my weakness this year and letting Your strength be made perfect in me as I completely depend on You. Thank You for the chance to share this raw truth and may You use it in mighty ways. I pray that Your truth illuminates!
Oh Father, to skype with my dear friend Kristi last week was more than a gift! A blessing, a challenge, an encouragement, and so rejuvenating to the deepest part of my soul. I couldn't go to sleep for hours after!! For a friendship to continue and grow deeper despite living on different sides of the globe is a genuine picture of Your faithfulness and, therefore, You are the only one that could hold it together. Thank You, Lord, for all the ways You show Yourself through her encouragement and the truth she is able to remind me of. The honesty during our conversation was nothing apart from Your doing! I was able to share things with her that I know she'll continue to intercede for on my behalf. Help me to approach Your throne of grace regularly and pray for her heart and pursuit of You.
It is always a work of You for December and I to actually work out times to get together despite our busy (opposite) schedules. Thank You for going before us and fighting for our friendship and accountability. You are faithful to help us "spur one another on toward love and good deeds." We ask each other hard questions, encourage one another through the difficulties, and share in the joys of how You're working and changing us. She continues to be very dear to me and ushering into Your presence with her is an awesome thing!
The ways that You have blessed mine and Rachel's friendship are endless. The honest and scripture sharing conversations that we have are unreal to me! Thank You, Father, for her genuine care for my soul and my family's. I absolutely love hearing from her heart and how You're growing her and challenging her faith. Thank You for how she's able to point me to Your presence and remind me of Your hand at work!
Some amazing conversations have been happening between the boys and I before bed. The "Jesus Calling" for kids devotional book is offering some really neat and practical truths from scripture for the boys to understand and apply to their 3rd and 1st grade worlds. You are helping me slow down and share things from my life or offer some additional explanations to help them see how near You are, how much You love them, and how much they can trust You! Help their little minds and hearts grasp how good You are and how real Your promises are!
Ultimately You are giving me such honesty (which is a reflection from You, not us) in my marriage. Matt and I are able to come to one another in such love and care for the other's heart in so many different circumstances. We rejoice with one another over scripture refreshing our hearts. We encourage one another when weariness is setting in. We point one another back to Your presence and remind one another of Your promises. We reconcile with one another when there is sin committed, offering confession and seeking forgiveness. We ask one another for help when the temptation to waiver in our pursuit of You is crouching at our door. We come before Your throne together asking You to reveal more of Yourself to us and our kids. All of this is done only by Your grace and with Your help. No, we are not perfect and sometimes we are very slow to show the things listed. BUT You have given us such a unique and amazing relationship filled with such honesty. May You use it for Your honor and glory.
The honesty that You have given me in these conversations would never be possible without Your work completed on the cross. Thank You, Lord, for the cross! The honesty that must be embraced to receive Your gift from the cross and then the honesty that is available because of the cross!!!

What matters?

Oh the questions that are filling my mind and heart tonight!!! You have begun a stirring in me that I pray will only increase as the days and seasons go by!
What really matters? Knowing my need for Your presence and Your Word. Knowing that You are my life and Your Word is my very breath and the nourishment for my soul. What really matters? Realizing that there are those around me that are longing to know more of You, but don't know how to seek You or study Your Word. Seeing the hopelessness in people's eyes and hearing the struggles of people's faith. What really matters?
Obviously this is the question that is stirring in me and today I was so aware of Your nearness and You began to give me glimpses of answers. I'll start with what doesn't matter:
Comfort and ease of life.
I am not promised this anywhere in scripture yet I find that my priorities can point to a deep desire for "off" days, lack of responsibilities, and sometimes simply a laziness of heart. Comfortable is not Your plan for my life. Lord, help me to pursue You and Your glory which will bring sacrifice and suffering. I want to be filled with joy when my life is uncomfortable and completely stripped of ease for the sake of Your name and renown.
Amenities of life.
Be it friendships, family vacations, alone time, dinners out, and the list goes on and on (for me). These are not promised to me! Your presence and Your faithfulness is my promise and You are all I need!!! These blessings are not wrong, but pursued as desires/needs/demands puts them in a category I'm learning to call idolatry. Oh, Father, forgive me for thinking that You owe me any of these or that I deserve them. Forgive me for desiring blessings over the ONE who blesses!
Security.
As the American way would define it is not what matters! I can be found so dependent on finances, family, friendships, fitness, etc. My attitude so easily reflects that I believe these things define me and bring me worth. You settled my security and worth on the cross when pouring Your wrath on Jesus. You are my security today as I walk daily in the gospel remembering who I was and Your grace. You have promised to be my security as I stand before You clothed in Christ's righteousness.
What matters?
Being in Your presence and being completely drowned in Your Word. Alone and with others. God, I am asking You to fill my days with more of You and Your Word. Let me meditate and ponder You all throughout the day. Give Matt and I sweet conversation centered on You and Your truth. May I talk with my children of Your glory and goodness. May Your Word be what motivates my training with them; in encouragement and in correction. Father, fill our home with people that long to know You more. Give us opportunities to study with others and seek Your throne of grace together. All for the yearning of more of You!!!
"Nothing is impossible for You!" Luke 1:37

Reflecting and Resolving

Where I find my heart on this January 2, 2014:

Thank You, Father, for the truth that you brought my way through John Piper's Desiring God website just two nights ago. Finding my heart searching on New Year's Eve for joy and refreshing truth from You; You brought an article to my attention that reminded me once again of Your work alone being worth all praise and trust. These are thoughts from my heart, but some of the general ideas are from Piper's podcast and Paul Tripp's article.

2013 was a year of sanctification because You have promised to sanctify me and make me like Jesus until I stand before You and am made fully holy. So tonight I reflect on Your work in my heart and life. You did not let anything go by where You weren't turning it into good and for the sake of Your glory and honor. I know for a fact that I missed the mark 365 days last year, but by faith I trust that You work it ALL for sake of Your name and fame. No, I don't run head long into sin, but I do mess up royally on a daily basis. To know and be continually reminded of Your promise of working out ALL things for good is the way I keep taking steps toward You in this wretched body that has been completely transformed by the righteousness of Christ on the cross. I am more sanctified today than January 2013 because of Your promise, faithfulness, and goodness!! Thank You, Father, for Your gracious hand on my life.

2014 is upon me and I resolve to pursue You more; with greater passion and greater urgency. But I can only hope to do this with Your help and because I am clothed in Christ's righteousness. May I never seek this "goal" on my own strength as to gain anything for the sake of my name. I know I will attempt many times to achieve this end on my own and pretend that it is my accomplishments. May I not be so shortsighted and arrogant. I will fail miserably, but You will succeed and already have succeeded on my behalf. Praise You, Jesus!! This brings up my weak faith in this weak body...I confess that I am uncomfortable admitting my limitations and don't like coming face to face with my weaknesses. Father, may You help me live in my weaknesses and failures, not as excuses to sin or be lazy in my pursuit of You, but to point to You and reflect Your character; the perfect, good, and majestic God that You are!! I want to be okay with my weaknesses, because it is there that Your strength is made perfect. I can see the connection of this heart posture to spill over in my "OKness" with others' weaknesses. I do see You helping me extend grace to others (much quicker than I do to myself), but I wonder if this is an outward grace. Inwardly, do I harbor a resentment for those who fail or an impatience for those that continually need help? Father, may my life have a flavor of grace, patience, and care for those You've put in my life. This is a result of my mind and heart being full of You and remembering what has been extended to me. I want to live in Your presence and run with a passion toward Your face. May I rest at the feet of Jesus! Help me quickly recognize when I'm choosing other things over You and woo me back to Your arms.

Psalm 105:3-4

Glory in His holy name;

let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice!

Seek the LORD and His strength;

seek His presence continually!